I have been depressed. Like seriously, I have sat down at the computer several times in an attempt to say hello…just let you know some little thing that was going on…but I didn’t have it in me to make jokes, or relay some recipe or craft (that seemed petty and fake), or to land-blast you with the blackness of my emotion. Reading hasn’t helped…not even Oreos. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been doing a lot of laughing and loving and RUNNING (14.4 miles on Saturday morning, to be exact!!!), but I feel this constant need for companionship–chatter–to skew the sinking whirlpool I feel waiting in my chest, ready to suck me in as soon as I let silence prevail.
The good? news is, that Jeremiah has been depressed too. I say good because when one partner is being Sally Sadface, it’s easy for the chipper counterpart to want to go ahead and dunk her head the rest of the way under to quiet the madness. Since both of us have had cases of the dumps, we’ve been able to laugh at each other’s Debbie Downer status, cling tight together, and both swim hard for the surface. It’s been good for us.
Tonight, though, I feel better! Tonight, when I asked Pace to love on me and give me a kiss she said, “Mommy, you’re alone all the time.” I laughingly said, “What do you mean? With you squirrels, I don’t feel like I’m ever alone!” Her hypothesis: “But, I’m always playing with Dapples, and Daddy’s at work, and you are cleaning the kitchen all by yourself.” That pretty well is it in a nutshell 🙂
I know I haven’t told you why I am depressed (and that is annoying as HECK), but I am sure you will trust me when I say that I would if I could but I can’t. It’s a combination of lots of things really. Mainly, I just wanted to ask that you bear with me for a while. I AM coming back…sometime.
(BTW, old picture. Still no camera. It’s not looking good boys.)