Jeremiah came in to breakfast this morning and walked straight to the cabinet holding our every-day china. We DO use our china–all of it, but I got 5 or 6 coffee mugs in my every-day that sit on the top shelf, are kind of a pain for me to reach, and therefore rarely get used. These mugs, however, were exactly what Jeremiah was going for. I had just finished pouring the cream into his John Deere, Dollar General, coffee cup when he scooped it up and dumped the contents into his crisp white mug, imprinted with the markings of some molding in the Louvre.
“What are you doing?” I asked half laughing, half annoyed.
“I was just thinking in the shower that it would be really nice to drink coffee out of one of these cups this morning,” he replied, grinning and beckoning me to join him for coffee.
I had to smile. This is my husband…his quirky side in full effect…one of the things that made me fall in love with him. I like that he can celebrate little things, like the pretty coffee mugs, but still be a man to the world in every sense of the word.
I do have a point for this little story. Yesterday, I was talking to Whitney about marriage. Mine in particular, but she is on the precipice of getting engaged and I heard personal questions in her tone. As I told her about some disagreement, she asked if I had seen that problem BEFORE we got married…translation…”Cole and I never fight, so do you think I am deceived, or is my marriage destined for the blissful state that I imagine?”
I don’t know exactly what I said to her, but after I hung up I started thinking about the things that Jeremiah and I seem to get in arguments about. As I made a mental list, it began to dawn on me that it’s the very things that I loved most about him when we were dating, that seem to become irritants now. This is certainly no new concept, but it always seemed like sort of a stupid idea until I realized that it was true in my own marriage.
Take the coffee cup for example: This morning it was just funny, sweet even, like when we were dating. BUT, what if I’ve had a long day with a fussy Pace, I’ve cooked and cleaned up the kitchen what seems like 15 times, I’ve put the last of the dinner dishes in the dishwasher, gotten Pace to sleep, and finally sit down on the couch–relieved that the day is winding down. THEN, what if Jeremiah wants to have tea and dessert in the pretty coffee cups with saucers, and cream, and Splenda, and lemon slices, and spoons for stirring, and dessert crumbs where I just wiped the cabinets,… Suddenly, it’s a little bit harder to view it as a sweet quirk, it becomes more of a drudgery.
On a grander scale, I love Jeremiah’s laid back attitude towards life. Who needs plans set in stone, we’ll just figure it out as it comes. That attitude seemed to fit pretty well with my Type A personality when we were dating, but when it’s Friday night and he suggests at 6:50 that we go to a movie, but has no plan as to what we should do with Pace…it becomes a frustration. Or, when he forgets to actually ask off for his vacation week, after I have spent days trying to plan our a vacation…well, there may be an argument there.
One last thing that I will mention is Jeremiah’s status as a Renaissance man (at least in my mind). He’s a brilliant doctor, a talented guitar player and vocalist, a songwriter, a horseman, an athlete who excels at every sport he attempts, a carpenter, and a hard worker. Who wouldn’t be in awe of all of these excellent qualities. It is these same marvelous talents, however, that drain his time away from me. I live in a state of wanting to be an encourager for my husband and his loves, but also wanting my husband.
So, Whitney and anybody else wondering if you could ever possibly have a disagreement with you future spouse…I pray you don’t. I hope you will be a bigger person than to let little things like messes or delayed plans or busy schedules rub you the wrong way. However, if you are clueless as to what may cause you to call on God’s patience, then try looking at the things you admire most 🙂 It might just surprise you. In the meantime, I’ll just be here trying to keep perspective on what really matters and praying for a little more self-lessness.