On top of the ominous weekend forecast, I’ve been feeling a bit disconnected. You hear wives make comments like, “We just aren’t connecting,” or “something is missing.” Usually these comments are followed by dumbfounded husbands who don’t have any clue what that something is and don’t understand why they can’t ever do anything right by their wives. Chances are that even if your wife/girlfriend has never made one of the above statements, she probably has suggested a romantic dinner or a weekend getaway for two, because she is on a quest to feel that connection. Ashley (Wood) expressed this dichotomy by saying she believes that God has given women the ability to feel the pulse of a relationship in a way that men can’t, and I think she is right. When that pulse is strong, we are happy and thriving, but when it is weak it echoes in our heart and begs us to nurse it back to health.
Jeremiah and I have definitely had some of these weak pulse moments, even when we’ve been very comfortable with each other. For us, this means that I know that Jeremiah only wants his coffee cup 1/2 full because discipline tells him that he shouldn’t need more than that in the morning, or he likes Splenda on all of his cereal except Lucky Charms, or when he’s been on call he likes to eat a hot meal afterwards, or he likes his sandwiches cut in 1/2, or he likes to have a cookie when we eat Subway because it feels like a fun surprise at the end, or he likes to un-tuck the covers when he gets in bed so that his feet don’t feel trapped, or a million other little nuances that you just know when you spend time with a person and you love them enough to pay attention. While knowing all of these things can make you feel comfortable, just knowing them still doesn’t make you feel like you connect. Connecting is in the subtleties.
So this weekend, that should have been miserable by definition, was really marvelous when we were together. We appreciated each other; we connected through our comfort. We really hung out, had inside jokes, and were our happiest selves together. It didn’t take a romantic dinner for two or a weekend getaway to make that pulse come back…sometimes God just makes things work without our help.
Very interesting, and most likely true, but it might be the case that men feel the pulse of the relationship too, but just don’t want to deal with it. However, what do i know about relationships. Haha. Good writing as always abby.
Abby… wow, I think you missed your calling. You are a fabulous writer and it is crazy how I “fall into your words” as I read them. This post really hits home because as I begin to venture on my journey in to a marriage filled with love, I have the words you just wrote to look forward to and I can’t wait!