Sometimes my heart swells so hard, it feels like it will burst.  I take a deep breath in and have to hold it until the pinnacle of my joy passes.  I love him so much.  And every time this burst of joy finds me, I think, “This is what love is.  And this delights my heavenly Father who is Love.  He gives me the capacity to love this much, while telling me at the same time that His love for us is even greater than this.”  It’s enough to make me shed tears.  Maybe these movements from intense joy to tears are not so much because of hormones, like everyone tells us, but because of a new acute awareness of life that being a vessel in the giving of life brings.

I love when he grins to the side…just like his Daddy.

I love that I get to absorb every far-off stare, hiccup, and dozy sleep falling.  I can’t seem to get enough.  I’m thankful there is no log-book of the hours of my day, because I think I would be embarrassed to know how much is spent simply staring.

I love to watch the way that Pace and Mary Aplin can never seem to get enough of him either.  They hate how much he sleeps and are eager for him every time he wakes.  Last night, Pace asked if she could start praying for another little brother…I told her, “Not quite yet :)”


I love to kiss his face all over…even though it makes him mad.

I love that his cheeks are full and he’s grown a second chin.

I love that my love for him is intensely jealous.  My love for my little girls is a non-threatened love–we will belong to each other as mother and daughter our whole lives through.  There’s not another bond like that.  However, just as my love for Jeremiah is the kind that requires a single-minded devotion, so I know there will be another one day who requires the same kind of devotion from Jay Paul.  It wrenches my heart in one moment, but the thought of him going through life without knowing this singular kind of love, wrenches it out the next moment, until I find myself praying–begrudgingly–for that other little life out there–a little lady life–who will one day come and take my place.

Everyone was right when they told me little boys are different.  They surely are.


16 Responses to “Little Boys”

  1. Ashley says:

    I cant even imagine how much love you are feeling! You have the most precious babies that I have ever seen! Love reading every last word about them, and pray that I get to experience it all myself one day!

  2. molly says:

    What beautiful thoughts about your handsome son!

    I love that the girls are so taken with him.

    Blessings over you and yours, Abby.

  3. konie says:

    you pulled out of the driveway and I ran to the computer to read your blog on little boys:))) Made my eyes water too…….I know I am one of those that said “just wait….those little boys are different’:) All in a good way:)))) I love my 2 girls and my 2 boys the same, and with all my heart!!! My girls make me feel special 🙂 And my boys make me feel special…..and have been protective of me…..AND their sisters:) I am my girls #1 lady……but moved to #2 when the boys married. But you know Abby, God’s timing is everything, at every stage of their lives. When they proposed to their wives, God prepared me for the change. And I am so happy to know that my boys #1 lady in their life is their WIFE, and not mom (me). BUT…those boys, no matter how old, still have a special love for mom:) That doesn’t change:)))))

  4. Gina says:

    Awwww, love this!! I agree it is different with sons, even though mine is 25 now!! Thankfully he isn’t married yet. 😉 I agree that God gives us the capacity to love. Our sermon at church was about God’s love and loving others and I spoke to my grandparents this morning and they told me their sermon yesterday was about God’s love too! A love fest. 😉

  5. Melissa says:

    Amen to it all. I was shocked by how I felt when I had Beck – the emotions were so different – and I remember thinking just how thankful I was to have the blessing of having both a boy and a girl.

    Glad you’re experiencing the same thing. OH, enjoy those sweet moments and don’t you feel one stitch guilty for the time you spend staring !

  6. Amy Cook says:

    Love this post and it rings so true. When I pray for Jake and brady’s wives, I almost always pray that God will connect my heart with hers as well. Not that it won’t change the leave and cleave but it will make it much easier and sweeter. More like I am gaining a daughter than losing a son. But quite often when I watch them sleep it saddens my heart to know that one day their will be another girl that they love more than me. Enjoy him and stare away 🙂

  7. Eleanor Oser says:

    What a sweet post! Youre words are beautiful and so true!
    I only have 1 little girl so far, my first, but I hope to have lots of babies including a little boy if I’m lucky! I can say though that I still can’t stop staring and can’t get enough of my daughter every single time I look at her. So much of my day is spent thanking God for his perfect and wonderful gift!

  8. Katie Snow says:

    Two girls and boy myself and I know exactly what you mean…..I love my girls beyond all reason, but my feelings for my little man are as intense and overwhelming as the first day I locked eyes with him. It is pure and untainted and I cherish it so very much. Parenting, all in all, is just the best. Glad you are in a “happy” place…..best wishes.

  9. Precious post. Love the photos. And you know I love me some little boys! Can’t believe that I have two.

  10. Nancy says:

    My boy is about to be 12 in June & I love that he still kisses my cheek before he gets out of the car for school. They just adore their Mommy’s & it is simply one of the best feelings of life!
    Congrats again, what a precious boy!

  11. Joy says:

    Just WAIT til he locks his eyes with yours and gives you that first huge gum grin!! Oh I can hardly stand it! 🙂

  12. laurenbtrain says:

    …Can we start a wait list for little girls who are praying for one day a Godly man like Jay Paul to pursue them and sweep them off their feet? Does Jay Paul like older women? Anne Margaret is 16 months 😉 hehehe!

  13. Kristen says:

    Wow. You took the words right out of my mouth. Our sweet baby boy will be 10 weeks tomorrow, and after having two little girls, it is a very different love indeed. Takes my breath away. And I, too, spend lots of hours holding, staring, and kissing all over his little face. Congratulations to y’all! Jay Paul is just beautiful.

  14. Caitlin says:

    Sweet Abby, he is so precious and I am so thankful for your words! I miss you so and hope I can hug your neck soon!

  15. Allyson Dozier says:

    So sweet!!! This makes me so happy and eager to meet my little man in May! I love my girl with every inch of my being, but can’t wait for my heart to grow!!

  16. Amee Love says:

    Congratulations Abby! Love all of the sweet pictures! I have one daughter and two little boys and they all melt my heart. There is just something though about mommies and their little boys. It’s just sweet! Congrats again!

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